23 March 2016
I tried ripping the previous page out of my journal – that’s how well I did following my *new* boundaries in the last 36 hours. On the bright side, I didn’t go on my favourite dating site or sleep with anyone! On the dark side, I ate all the rest of the food in the house – even after I had my meal replacement shakes for the day. I was feeling so sorry for myself that I skipped work yesterday. That led me to stay in bed and ultimately to a couple of trips to my favourite porn site. Strike Three!
I am on the Rapidbus, in the north part of Hull, and I just saw three young deer in the valley where I will be bicycling soon. That was a wonderful surprise this morning.
I went to a men’s Meetup last night, and they are a nice bunch of guys. I hope that we get out and do some of the activities we discussed, as the weather improves. First one is cycling sometime in mid-April.
C. and I had a long talk late into the night. I am trying to separate the lying and deceit that I identify as my nature from the addictive/acting out nature that she comes from. Chicken or egg? Will separating my behaviours out and dealing with them more 1-on-1 be a help of a hindrance to my recovery? Can I address that long list of negative behaviours without stumbling on one – and tripping on all the rest? How do I collect “white stones” when I am failing in some of my stated goals?
Many questions unanswered as of today . . .